Rodger's AFL Wrap-Up

Rodger’s Wrap Up - Round 5

Anything the AFL can do, the NRL can do better

This week the NRL, or as it is better known the Naughty Rugby Lads, has once again stolen the thunder on the AFL – all thanks to Melbourne Storm in a teacup.  Actually that’s not quite right, the Storm can’t even win a teacup and if they did the NRL would probably strip them of that too.  Yes the masters of disaster down at the NRL have once again comprehensively trumped the AFL in the only area they do better at – criminal behaviour.

In the off season when Mathew Stokes was charged with one count of trafficking a single gram of Cocaine, the Newcastle Knights had Chris Houston charged with four counts of drug trafficking for a total of 2 grams of devils dandruff and 200 ecstasy tablets.  Where two Saint Kilda players were accused of sexual assault, the NRL has not one but several teams accused of group sexual assault.  

For a while the AFL had one up with the Blues guilty of salary cap breaches through the 90’s, however not long after the NRL struck back with the Canterbury Bulldogs to tie the score in the early noughties.  That was until the latest and greatest NRL saga found that the Melbourne Storm was rorting the cap as well, even worse than both the biggest and baddest of the boys before them.  

The openly sobbing CEO David Gallop was unwavering in his response, stripping the Storm of 2 premierships, 3 minor premierships, all competition points for 2010, $1.6 million in fines and returned prize money and even the clubroom welcome mat.  In an act of benevolence the Storm were allowed to keep the shirts on their backs.

In the fallout from the so called ‘greatest controversy ever to hit Australian sport’ every man and his dog has something to say about it.  The statements I disagree most strongly with however are those saying that Melbourne Storm should be tossed out for bringing the game into disrepute.  That’s just not right.  It’s more correct to say they should be tossed out for dragging the game back into disrepute, again.  It’s not like the NRL was some naïve wide eyed child completely unfamiliar to what disrepute is.  Let’s face facts if the NRL was a person, you’d expect to find it in the Crazy horse rather than a Church.  In fact if they were any worse we would rightly expect to be watching Underbelly: Rugby League in 2011.  

This seedy turn of events is not isolated to rugby though, it has managed to snake its insidious tendrils back towards the AFL to try and drag them into this whole sordid affair.  The link is the Storm’s main fall guy CEO Brian “Scapegoat” Waldron, who also happened to be CEO of St Kilda from 2002 to 2004.  The Saints are now well and truly under the spotlight and if found guilty, are seriously at risk of having to hand back their 15^th, 11^th and 3^rd places as well as their 2004 pre-season cup.  Sure that rapid improvement sounds suspicious – but in finals from 2004 to 2006 they lost to Melbourne, Port Adelaide and Sydney.  If they were paying extra to their players, it clearly didn’t help.  Not on the level it helped the Storm anyway.

The AFL meanwhile has stated unequivocally they fully agree with the punishment and would not hesitate to inflict the same penalties.  “We find it utterly despicable that any team should be allowed to dish out an extra couple of million above the salary cap, further it’s totally unfair to the fans of every other club.  We cannot allow that kind of freewheeling discretion to artificially alter the even playing field in our competition.  Such power should solely remain the discretion of High Emperor Demetriu when he wants pet teams in developing markets to be artificially successful like Brisbane, Sydney and Gold Coast.  Otherwise we are really, really against it.”

Melbourne Storm officials, players, coaches and staff have rushed en masse to disavow any knowledge of the affair – doing such a quick runner it left a very surprised looking cleaner Dimitri Yubeleff to take responsibility for the entire debacle.  In a press release later that morning he stated “I just get job here, what you talking about?  I empty rubbish bins and vacuum, what is salary cap?”

The player themselves claim no knowledge of these extra payments – which wasn’t paid in cash but boats, cars, massive shopping vouchers and home renovations.  Now I realise they get hit in the head a lot, but surely they might notice a ruddy great boat in their driveway.  Oh I don’t doubt they can’t be linked by any evidence, but as a player you would have to be a little suspicious.  Not that I blame them - if anyone wants to redo my kitchen then by all means – but for the sake of Gary Ablett please spare us the whole naïve act as it makes you appear either completely daft or utterly dishonest.  

So who blew the whistle?  Well it wasn’t really the NRL catching them, the magical ‘second’ set of books were supplied to them in 2008 albeit by mistake.  Apparently Brian Waldon neglected to tell his secretary that two sets of books existed and she supplied the NRL auditors with the wrong book.  Oops.  The Storm hastily explained those books were ‘draft’ documents, which bought them some time but eventually after eighteen months of denials to investigators they came clean.   Well, sort of.  Apparently another whistle blower gave the NRL auditors the second set of books for 2008/2009, which gave the NRL the full picture of the extent of this debacle.  It was after that they fessed up.  That is why the punishment is so harsh; they got caught out, lied for another year and a half before they eventually decided to repent for their sins because they got dobbed in.  

Meanwhile the man at the centre of the allegations, Brian Waldron, is more than happy to speak to an independent investigation under oath about exactly what went on provided all involved parties do the same.  He claims every one knew about it including Newcorp, management, players, player managers and even the club mascot.  He was going to sell his exclusive tell all story to a current affair for $100,000, but ACA claim they were told they wouldn’t stoop to such a low level… at least that was what they said right after Brian had advised them that he wouldn’t do it based on legal advice.  What Brian probably lacks is any concrete evidence, so if that is the case then he surely must be entirely at fault so lets just blame him for everything and we can all move on.  

Oh and for the record the Storm came out on the weekend and made a statement on the field, thrashing the Warriors 40-6.  I’m not quite sure but I believe the statement was “Look what we can do when we pay our players 20% more than our opposition”.

Round 4

The weekend opened with the Creaky Crows taking on the Blundering Bulldogs.  The Crows had a lot to prove and they immediately went about doing just that by winning the first quarter.

Sadly they only average winning one quarter a game while there were still three left after that for the doggies to comprehensively smash them in.  The Crows have now equalled their worst start for the season, with the Power no doubt looking forward to their chance to make it their worst.

On Saturday the Swans beat the Eagles, which was expected.

Then came Saturday night fever where the unexpected started as the Lions faced their Demons – a team they have not beaten in Melbourne since 1999.  Sure the Dees played about 8 years worth of home games at the Gabba, but there was apparently something to it.  Man Mountain Brown was competently traversed by James Frawley, with the young Dees taking the Lions to pieces by over 50 points.  

Meanwhile over in Adelaide the Power Outs hosted the Sassy Saints.  There was much talk about the joy of Justin Koschitzke returning from suspension to fill the gap left by the injured St Nick.  Well so much for that idea.  Justin kicked no goals as his Saints showed that they play under cover too often for their own good, while the Power Outs Powered Up to simply outplay what is normally a class outfit.  I think it’s almost time to queue Michelangelo Rucci with the “super fit young men with unfettered self belief” line.  

On Sunday it was the ANZAC day extravaganza with the Perky Pies taking on the Boo Hoo Bombers.  Any semblance of a contest was shattered by quarter time, utterly decimated by half time and was it simply a matter of by how much at three quarter time.  Marvellous.  

Down in Tasmania, it was the Hacks giving it up to the Roos as they continue 2010 just like it was 2009 - quite terribly.  While over in the west the Fantastic Fockers continued their sterling run by easily seeing off the Terrible Tigers.  The Tigers did have something to smile about though; they won their 3^rd quarter for 2010 and had their lowest losing margin at a mere 39 points.  Good for them.

That left just one game for the round, an expected belting of the Carlton Booze by the Belligerent Barbarians.  However just like in history, be it the Mongols or the Huns, this Barbarian outfit appears to be watching the sun set upon their mighty empire.  The Judd led Booze used their Jackie Chan drunken fighting techniques to simply out class the competition powerhouse.  Not only beating them, but even moving above them on the ladder.  Bock me, I didn’t see this round coming.

The Cocaine Cat, Part 2

Just for the record, Matthew Stokes has faced court where he had his ridiculous trafficking charge downgraded to possession, with a guilty plea he will now be diverted to drug counselling with no criminal conviction recorded (just $3,000 in court costs and a 12 month good behaviour bond).  He will be back in round eight, with the AFL having no real grounds to suspend him.