Rodger's AFL Wrap-Up

Rodger’s Wrap Up - Round 4

Brendan Rolls the Dice, and other ludicrous titles for news articles

It’s been a busy week filled with the fallout from the Malthouse Milne Mouth Off, The Tale of the Treacherously Tanked Tigers, Nick & Gibbo Hurtin’ Hammies with it all lightly dusted with Buddy’s Bit of Biffo - you would think the AFL brains trust were doing everything short of animal sacrifice to ward off any more negative publicity.  

While they thought better of using voodoo and had just finished putting the chicken safely back in the coop, it happened again.  The AFL left slapping their heads as the usual suspect ‘The Fevinator’ decided to put the chaos cherry on the problem pie, most likely because he was missing the media spotlight in the intervening weeks since that Bingle photo fiasco.  

This time he came out with a very frank admission that he has a serious gambling problem, with a mountain of debt somewhere in the six figure range.  Good one Brendan, I really think you of all people really needed more problems.  One wonders what else he has left in the bag.  Is it simply a talent?  I suspect if he were to join meals on wheels as a volunteer it would only be a matter of days before he was ejected for some sordid, steamy incident in the tea room.  He’s special that way.  

In a press release Andrew Demetriu said this week “We simply cannot understand how Fevola found time to be addicted to gambling, I mean football has been such a big part of his life.  We are at a complete Bocking loss to comprehend how he could possibly fit a gambling addiction in between his addictions to alcohol, womanising, idiocy and attention seeking.”  

Of course the AFL cannot punish Fevola for this particular problem, not when they pocket all that cash from Sportsbet allowing them to infiltrate their entire website, weekly team announcements, game day live and even the scoreboards at the games with all the latest game odds.  They have until now ignored complaints from recovering gambling addicts who can no longer take their kids to football, what with betting temptation being in their face.  Not a tantalising prospect for Fev either if he can make it to the status of recovering addict.  Not that he has bet on footy, his weakness is poker and horses apparently.  I’m guessing we also won’t be seeing him on any more celebrity poker tournaments any time soon.
 
Fevola, who was recently interviewed for Mensa Monthly said that his inspiration growing up was Mongo from Blazing Saddles because “He farted a lot and it was funny, Brendan like Mongo”.  The interview was terminated shortly after as Brendan started waving phallic objects around before proceeding to hump the interviewer’s leg which he objected to in the strongest terms.

Then on the weekend the Fevola circus rolled on with a player throwing a beer on the Fev at the Lion Den, the second time in two years at a Lions home game. The fan was immediately pointed out by the whiney Fevinator, where he was arrested and spent the entire weekend in jail.  On Monday the man was found guilty of “interfering with a person engaged in a sporting event”, where time served was “more than a sufficient penalty”.  Justice is an interesting thing when you weigh that penalty up against what Eugene McGee got.

Meanwhile we are left to wonder what else Fevola has gotten up to over the time.  Police suspect he may be the second gunman on the grassy knoll, while he is also being questioned regarding his whereabouts Monday afternoon when Carl Williams was killed.  On his current form it not out of the question that he somehow caused the volcanic eruption in Iceland that has crippled Europe, triggered the Global Financial Crisis and is responsible for all terrorist acts ever committed.  

Personally I suspect if we manage to pull his face mask off ‘Scooby Doo’ style then we will find that he is in fact really Warrick Capper.  

Round 4

The weekend opened with the Wilted West Coast hosting the Baby Bombers.  Unfortunately for the Babies they really missed mummy after quarter time which led to a big screaming tanty that saw them to kick just one goal in the next two quarters.  Eventually Matthew Knights gave a big hug at three quarter time which led them to settle down and play, but it was too little too late.

Saturday afternoon opened with the Resurgent Roos taking on the Strutting Swans in what was a drawn out arm wrestle for most of the afternoon.  In the end the Swans were too good for the Roos – but that really doesn’t mean too much.

Meanwhile over in Adelaide it was the Crippled Crows hosting the Carlton Booze.  The Crows were dominant in the ruck, were even in possession, had more inside 50’s and more shots at goal – which makes the fact that they lost by 48 points utterly, utterly shameful.  Six goals, nineteen behinds for the game left the theoretically superior Crows with their worst start to an AFL season ever and Neil Craig facing the most serious of questions in this tenure at the Crows.  Talk of the crows being top four material or making the finals must surely now be replaced by a more relevant short term goal – I would think finishing 14^th would be optimistic, but not unachievable.  

Saturday night saw the action move to the Gabba, where it was a battle between the two power forward recruiting teams – the Brewndan Lions hosting Bazza’s Bulldogs.  The game was a largely one sided affair, apart from the scoreline, which flattered the bulldogs thanks to the Lions piss poor goal shooting.

Meanwhile in Melbourne the Potty Mouth Pies took on the Hobbling Hacks.  The Pies had not beaten the Hacks since 2006, so they decided to do it in style.  Damn it was good to watch.

On Sunday the Dancing Demons took on the Tipsy Tigers in a game that was meant to indicate who would be the wooden spooner for 2010.  Sadly for the Tigers, they were belted and will have to wait another four weeks before they play the Crows to give us a clearer picture of the worst team in the league.  The only good news for the tigers is that they are the only team in the league that are completely free of injury… actually that just makes them even sadder.  When things could not get any worse for the tigers, it has taken just only four rounds before Sportsbet decided to pay out all bets on them taking the wooden spoon.  Yes, you read that correctly and no I am not making that part up.  

Then it was the Barbarians trying to forget that they had given it up to the Fockers last week, taking on the current pride of South Australia, the Power.   The Power must have felt pretty damn pleased with themselves to get within ten points at half time after the Barbarians got away early.  It even brought back memories of their stirring come from behind win back in 2007, coincidentally the last home loss that the Barbarians suffered. That smug self assurance of a job well half done gave way to… well I’m not sure I would call it a Power failure, more a complete and utter power absence.  The Barbarians were back to their awe inspiring best, kicking almost as many goals in the third quarter as the entire Crows V Demons match last week.  By the siren the Barbarians had smashed the Power outs by nearly three figures, equalled an eight decade old record of consecutive home wins and put to bed the myth that travelling to WA can bad for a Victorian team’s ability to run out games.  

The round ended with the Saints sans Santa taking on the Fantastic Fockers.  The Saints this week are still coming to terms with the fact that there is no Santa, at least for this season, as Saint Nick faces the very likely scenario of not playing any more football this year following his hamstring injury.  When the previously friendless Fockers trailed the Saints by just a point a three quarter time – an even bigger upset was on the cards than their defeat of the Barbarians last week.  There was to be no fairy tale finish for the Fockers, but will take the fifteen point loss and the chin and be happy to have matched up to the two top teams of the competition.